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You Know You're A Java Junkie When

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This list has been inspired by the many hours and years that I have spent hanging out at Theo's Java Club in Rock Island and working at the Coffee Hound. My fellow Java Junkies/Caffiends Ingrid LeDane, Jenna Bellini and Kelly Kapple helped me on a few of these.

1. You trust leaving your stuff at the coffee shop...leave and come back
2. The baristas know you by your first name
3. You often have long meaningful conversations with the baristas
4. You have relationships with the baristas outside the coffee house
5. You've had everything on the menu
6. People worry when you don't have coffee in your hand
7. Mystery Toddies no longer scare you
8. You know the prices of things with tax
9. You know all of the other regulars and hang out with them ouside of the coffee house (like you're ever anywhere else!)
10. Peope worry when you're not at the coffee house
11. You're at the coffee house more than at home
12. You know the baristas better than your own family
13. You know more than 5 ex-baristas and still hang out with them
14. You have had a Grave Digger
15. You can DRINK a Grave Digger
16. The 4 shots of espresso in a Grave Digger no longer phase you...and you think it needs more
17. You have more than 3 filled coffee cards in your wallet at a time
18.. The crappy music they play becomes a normal part of your daily life
19. Your friends call the coffee house before your house when trying to find you
20. Everything that happens in your life happens at the coffee house
21. You go to the Java Club and Java Hut in the same day
22. You actually pay attention to the Word of the Day
23. The baristas give you free coffee and filled out coffee cards
24. 788-JAVA is your other phone number
25. You have the phone numbers of the baristas
26. Your watch is set to Java time...10 minutes ahead of the "normal" world
27. You no longer care which bathroom you use...when you gotta go you gotta go!
28. You've been to the back room....
29. The manager/owner knows your name
30. You get pissed when other people you know come here...because they've found your hide out
31. You know the address by heart
32. You pass JR's (now the Body Shop) on a normal basis and you no longer rubber neck to look in
33. Drew Mirrsman starts hitting on you
34. You can hang out there alone and have a good time
35. You're friends with all of the baristas friends
36. You worry when a regular isn't there
37. You've played on open mic night
38. The smoking room no longer smells funny
39. Mountain Dew no longer phases you
40. You own a Toddy Maker
41. You've helped clean up at close
42. Youre there more than once a day
43. You can't live without stopping by at least once during the day
44. You treat your coffee cards as cash $$$
45. You work at a coffee house
46. You remember when the COFFEE sign was on the wall by the bathrooms above the pew at Theo's
47. You start all of your sentences with "While I was at Theo's/The Coffee Hound..."
48. You notice when they get a new syrup flavor in
49. You think Theo is a god
50. When all other coffee is shit
51. You want to blow up Charbucks...er...Starbucks because they burn their beans and they just plain suck
52. You can't remember what life was like before you discovered the coffee house
53. You don't have friends outside of the coffee house
54. When the crazy baristas become normal to you
55. You've gotten drunk with the baristas and do so on a regular basis
56. You know the words to the shitty music they play
57. The new baristas come up to you and ask how to make things
58. You answer the pay phone at Theo's
59. You find Drew Mirrsman to be somewhat humorous...
60. Homeless people asking you for money outside on the sidewalk no longer creep you out
61. You go to the Java Hut on Sundays because the Club in Rock Island is closed
62. You've been to the Augustana College Theo's
63. You give the baristas hugs when you arrive and leave
64. You can get to the coffee house from anywhere in the Quad Cities with no problem at all
65. When giving directions, you use the coffee shop as a main landmark
66. You know the inventors of the Sean Conery latte
67. You remember Bicycle John....and can still hear him hacking up a lung
68. You have coffee stains on your homework/books
69. You think aprons are sexy
70. You've had sex with one of the baristas
71. You notice when a barista has a new hair cut
72. You understand Java time
73. You're in a bad mood when the coffee house closes for the night
74. You save all of your extra change for coffee money
75. You know more about coffee and espresso than what you're getting your college degree in
76. You best friend is a Java Junkie
77. Bagels from anywhere else but Theo's suck
78. Your coffee mug becomes a fashion accessory
79. You've met all of your friends through the coffee house
80. You've memorized the menu and prices
81. You think Cappy Hour is a beautiful thing
82. The coffee house closes and you're still hanging out outside
83. You know how to make more than 5 special lattes
84. You remember what Theo's looked like before they added on the smoking room
85. Going to the coffee house is the high point of your day
86. You get attacked with whipped cream on a regular basis
87. You eat plain whole coffee/espresso beans
88. Double Stamp Mondays at Theo's and Two Stamp Tuesdays at the Coffee Hound are your favorite days of the week
89. You've been beaten with the Java "Club" and liked it
90. Sean Conery is no longer an actor, but a latte
91. You prefer to do shots of espresso more than booze
92. Your coat/bookbag smells like the coffee house
93. You can tell the difference between each coffee houses coffee
94. You dread Sundays because Theo's in Rock Island is closed
95. Getting the Word Of The Day is your biggest accomplishment of your day
96. The sound of the grinder is music to your ears
97. You hear the grinder and espresso machine in your sleep
98. You have dreams about coffee
99. You own your own espresso machine
100. Your fondest memories have taken place at the coffee house
101. An old man riding up on a bike and walking into the shop still wearing his bike helmet while hacking up a lung is a normal every day thing (R.I.P. Bicycle John)
102. Opening up a can of Whoop Ass is no longer a threat...but a tasty drink
103. Your dreams take place at the coffee house
104. You work at a coffee house, get off work and then go hang out at another with your co-workers
105. You consider the coffee house to be home
106. You've had mail sent to you under the coffee houses address
107. You admit that you're addicted
108. Knowing that you eventually have to go to your "real" home is depressing
109. Your online screen name has to do with Java
110. You accidently call one of the baristas "Dad"
111. The seasons don't change until Stuart Davis plays at Theo's
112. You answer to Java Junkie
113. You've dated a barista
114. You're married to a barista
115. You know the number to the Theo's Pay Phone
116. Newbies piss you off
117. The baristas give you free re-fills
118. You can't drive by or near the coffee house without stopping in
119. You're a member of the "Java Spank"
120. You answer to your Java Spank name
121. Some people don't even know you by anything other than your Java Spank name
122. You have in your possesion at leat one Theo's mug because you forgot you had it in your hand when you left
123. You've created at least one of the latte specials
124. You don't ask for the plunger, you just fix it yourself
125. You go to Drew's house after the shop closes to burn things
126. The first thing you do in the morning is down a toddy to get rid of the headache
127. You can answer yes to at least 90% of these
 
 

"Time spent drinking coffee is not deducted from one's life."